THE REASON LOUIS TOMLINSON WAS AN EGG FOR LIKE 12 HOURS

My 16 best boys in Charli XCX’s ‘Boys’ video, ranked, fight me if you disagree

This morning we received a brand new Charli XCX song accompanied by some of the most simple yet striking visuals of the year.

Essentially a bunch of nice looking boys that she’s been thinking about, are placed on pastel & neon backgrounds to look cute and do cute things.

Charli told Junkee‘s Jules LeFevre that to acquire some of the boys she used one of those exclusive celeb dating apps, “so that I could get to them, which is kind of crazy”.

I have found my sixteen favourite boys and ranked them from #16-#1, because that is what I wish to do. Pit men against each other.

#16. CHARLIE PUTH

King Puth appears in the first ten seconds of the video, sporting a cute-ass grin whilst his comfy lookin’ mustard pants get a bit wet thanks to the freshly washed black car he’s leaning against. UH!

#15. CASPAR LEE

Caspar’s goofy face gets a cracker thing full of pink confetti smacked into it.

#14. WILL.I.AM

I have no idea how will.i.am manages small amounts of cultural relevance here and there but he does this weird, cute little dance thing in front of some disco balls.

#13. AG COOK

The PC Music honcho reads some books on genders with Flume in front of a bubblegum pink backdrop.

#12. AMINE

THAT SMILE.

#11. OLI SYKES

He’s looking comfortable on some fluffy pink pillows, which is nice. It’s filmed in a lovely VCR format.

#10. DIPLO

I couldn’t go past Dippers holding up AT LEAST SEVEN FUCKING PUPPIES! Including this one. I name it Snuffles.

#9. STORMZY

This came out on Stormzy’s birthday so I partially feel obliged but also I adore that he makes a point of difference by rocking up in a fuckin black tee on white background whilst everyone’s working so hard with colour.

#8. BRENDON URIE

The endlessly romantic Panic lead on a bed of roses with his quiff still intact makes me warm inside.

#7. KHALID

LOOK AT HIS SMILE WHEN HE’S BEING LICKED BY THESE COLOURFUL PUPPIES!!! HE CANT COPE!!! I DIE!!!!!!!!!!

#6. THE VAMPS

If it was all four of them they’d be a shoe-in for the #1 spot but the lack of Bradley is concerning and therefore undeserving, still, I am enjoying them consuming cupcakes in front of a red-wine-coloured wall.

#5. CONNOR FRANTA

Connor’s always crafting beautiful looks but this thumbs-up-for-gay-boys moment in a mythological gold number is so heavenly.

#4. THE BULLDOG TINIE TEMPAH IS HOLDING

ITS SUCH A LITTLE BUBBA!!!!

#3. TOM DALEY

The hottest bisexual icon in England is SHOWERING WITH CLOTHES ON in the clip. And grinning. Ugh I’m SO SAD HE’S MARRIED.

#2. VANCE JOY

The reason I have included him so highly is because I’m so impressed and confused that he’s in this. As our website’s favourite podcast that isn’t ours would ask, Does Charli XCX Know Who Vance Joy Is? When was he even around to shoot it? Is that an ice-cream or a rocky road he’s eating? So many questions but look, he’s in it and he’s cute, so good on him.

#1. MNEK

MNEK’s no-shirt, chest-serving pastel pink jacket, pouty lips look accompanied with pink water guns absolutely wins it for me. Spray me, daddy!

Now let’s watch it again.


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